Southbound Sickboy … Some Thoughts on Cycle Doctors

Southbound Sickboy …. Some Thoughts on Cycle Doctors
Deutscheleitkulturblog by Christian Raum
Berlin/Kraków February 7th 2021

Bicycle Repairman in Kraków

Bicycle repairman are known to have a standard concept to rate and to classify customers. It is all about gearshifters, chains, breaks, oil, tyres.

Worst bicycle users are those coming in and complain about problems with the gears. While the chain is resting on the highest gear in the front and the highest in the back. Every cycle doctor has prepared his own little speech to teach these idiots how to use gearshifter right.

I heard an endless row of line. „Have you ever learned how to use your gearshifter correct?“ „Did no-one ever told you not to use these gears together?“ „First thing … never use highest front and rear gear together.“

True is …. most cycle doctors are not the gear experts they pretend to be. For example certain repairmen in Berlin Schoneberg. Front gearshifter broke five minutes after I left the workshop. Next day first thing me complaining.

„You did not repair the gearshifter!“
„We Did!“

I am thinking thinking thinking… Did they?? No!!

„Frontgearshifter broke five minutes after I left your workshop!“
„It is not broken!“
„How would you explain this??“
„First thing you must understand. Never use highest gesr rear and front same time. There is an interesting website. I write you the URL.“
„I am not talking about the highest gear. The lowest gear is not working.“

Next he get on his knees next to Sickboy. Pushing the front gearshifter very softly. Sickboy shifted. „Idiot!“ I thought.

„Can you see it’s working perfect. You only need to push this forward very softly.“
„On my knees?“
„You do not need to knee. You may bow.“
Sickboy grinning. „I want you on your knees dude.“

New search for a new doctor started. A repairman found. Sitting in the sun. Smoking. Me smoking too. Chatchat.  He wearing shorts. Tennis socks. Sandals. Controlling my gearshifter knowledge.

„It is forbidden to use the highest gear in front and back same time. I see you must learn many things.“

I gave him a full account of hs college’s work.

„Tell me these persons name! Who was it! What idiots!“, he shouted.

All work was shifted out of the way and Sickboy lifted up, turned upside down. „Look at this, look at that. Touch here and feel there. Blah blah. Are you sure you didnotdo this mess by yourself?“

Me on my knees. Showing how I was told to use the gearshifter. „A man should never knee. That’s women’s task“, he said. „Did I mention women have no idea how to oil a chain.“
„Men cannot gearshift. Women are too stupid to oil a chain. You have no idea what I have seen in here. Chains oiled to dead. Messed up by women!“
„Yeah. Yeah…“
„Disaster!! What is your profession?
„Uhhhhh!! Are you one of these fake news folks?“
„You should be ashamed“
“ I am indeed.“
„Does not make it better. Wonder why I help you…“

Me mentally on my knees. Please do not stop reparing Sickboy! He did not. But hold little speeches to his people, concerning the wall to Mexiko. North Korean rocket science The raise of the American nation.

In the end he charged a fortune and I promised a postcard from Budapest or Albania… in case gearshifter would not break earlier. What it did. Sorry man. No expert no postcard.

And here I am in Kraków introducing Sickboy to the next doctor. He looked at Sickboy’s gears. „Have you ever read your gearshifter’s manual?“, he asked. „Never use the highest gears in front and rear same time“.

Next he repaired Sickboy. Him was the best Sickboy repairman ever. True gear’s expert. Allowed to teach how gearshifting is done by true gearshifters. Highly recommended by Sickboy, by our Star Navigation Team, and by me.

Thank you for your help!!!!


THANKS to MISTER „Ninety miles an hour, girl, is the speed I drive“ SICKBOY!!!

Editors: Christian Raum, Christin Hohmeier

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